My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize