once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Randomize
