if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
only if we run a train.
done.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
