I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
