If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
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