Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Randomize