I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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