dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
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Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
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Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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