take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Randomize
