Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
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