So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
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