...so i touched it.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
Randomize
