why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
