Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
