I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
