I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Randomize
