tell your sister to shave her snatch
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
