well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Randomize
