There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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