you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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