dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Randomize
