I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
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