Fine. I'll sleep in my office
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Randomize
