fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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