You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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