My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
