forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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