After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
I need to calm my uterus...
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
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