Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
