I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
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