Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
NoShamevember. You game?
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Randomize
