I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Randomize
