The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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