I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Randomize
