did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
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