Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Randomize
