tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
My liver is preforming stress tests.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
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