my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
please don't ironically join a cult
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