A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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