I faked an abortion last night.
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Randomize
