I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize
