Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
