Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
not ubering you a puppy
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