I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Randomize
