I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
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