At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Randomize
