Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
