Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
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