That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
