weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
Come see our sink grown plant.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
I just found a bag of teeth...
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
