I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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