my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
