He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
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