i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
