watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
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