We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
