how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
