I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
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