She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Randomize
