So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
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