Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
