I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
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