I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
be right there i have to get my cape
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
