Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
