walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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