She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
I need a burrito and a hug.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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