you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
Randomize
