i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
