i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I lost the right to judge tonight
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
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