please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
