If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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