i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
