I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Semen is not good for contacts.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
