You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
