omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Randomize
