Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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